Been a while I’ve written about relationships, so I thought to share my love with you.
So how are you feeling in your courtship? What phase are you? How’s your love? How do you feel? Are you an African lady already under the pressure of societal demands? Or now you see marriage coming near and you’ve nursed certain fears wondering if your man would change?.
Sometimes as Christians we don’t say a lot of things or you already feel judged that if you say it others might feel you’re not walking in Faith. Whatever it is and whatever phase you are or however you’re been treated and however you even feel, I’ve come with a healing balm today and I pray from my heart’s depths that you are healed, your heart is released and you grow in love again.
I’d share a brief story of my friend Jade with you. Jade is a Christian Lady, tongue-speaking and demon-casting. She got into a relationship about a few years back and all was rosy and cozy, well it was a relationship of her dreams and she was convinced it was her God-ordained man. But few years into her relationship, her man got extremely busy and rarely had time for her and she shared with me how she raised it at certain points that he wasn’t making out time for her or paying attention to her emotions and he apologized and they moved on and then it became a pattern.
“Ty, I feel lost and alone and emotionally bankrupt, Kunle hardly pays attention to my emotions these days, He’s just so busy, yes we do stuff together, we pray together, do ministry and business together, study together but he rarely asks about me, how I feel, what’s happening with me, how I’m faring or keeping up and having to raise this matter with him overly makes it seem like I’m nagging but honestly what should I do honestly, I’m tired” and for a moment I went quiet.
Wait before I come back to Jade, let’s talk to the men. Guys, when a lady you’re courting in a godly relationship has opened up to you emotionally, it’s a form of vulnerability and God has given you the sole responsibility of manning that area, no matter how busy you get you can’t afford to leave her wandering emotionally, remember those Christian movies where we usually throw blames at Pastor’s wives who went wayward or followed another man, what do you think happened, he was too busy, her emotions wandered and the devil used the opportunity. I know, yes, you would say she’s spiritual and her emotions belong to God and your not being available emotionally is not an excuse for her to make such mistake, well, yes and no! Yes, because there’s really no excuse and, no, because you put her in that situation.
You might want to ask what Adam was doing when Eve was spending quality time with the devil and he was feeding her with words, was he busy tilling the ground?
God has given you the sole responsibility to be her man because He trusted you to be man enough to man her.
So back to my friend Jade and how we ended the discussion, thank God for Christian relationships and pastoring. The couple were accountable to their Pastor so I told her to talk to him about it because, in this kind of scenario, they both need to be counselled. Well, thank God Christianity has offered us such wisdom. So what if their relationship lacked accountability, who knows, that might probably be the end of it but thank God Christianity has offered us more!
So the pressure you’re going through in your relationship might be something different from what Jade went through and I can even hear the men saying, "Men go through a lot too you know".
So let’s see ways to deal with pressures in relationships:
Most of us have undermined the power in prayers but well we serve a Prayer-Answering God and you want to pray about it more than you complain about it.
Be accountable to a pastor or a mentor. God sets the solitary in families and really you should be accountable.
Don’t downplay your partner’s emotions:
In a relationship, you really want to listen, no matter how unwise somethings sound, you’re his/her partner and this relationship thrives when you actually listen and pay attention. Those little things matter a lot.
This is a fire that must keep burning no matter how occupied you get in fact you can make it a point of duty to always communicate, this is not about things you do together but more about what’s happening with this person. Talk about it, talk about everything even if you know it’s something your partner won’t like or something that would make him/her feel jealous or uncomfortable, still say it! It’s better to say it and watch their reactions and settle it than to start keeping secrets that would raise suspicions.
Yes, love! This is the point where you follow the golden rule in 1 Corinthians 13. You need to look it up and hide it in your heart.
I’d love to hear from you also, how do you deal with pressure in your godly courtship?
Leave a comment or contact me (here).