I may not be sure of your personality type but I'm sure every God made individual has the ability to love. You've given so much excuses on why you need to act the way you do: unruly, lackadaisical, badly!
But hey, you owe us love but firstly you owe you love so it can flow to us all. I'm not sure where you learnt it that pride, arrogance, your inability to use words like "thank you, I'm sorry, I appreciate" makes you a "hard" person or makes you admirable. No beloved, you've been cheating yourself and cheating us. You're wired to love. Your life's wheel is in your hands, drive it when you're ready.
Thinking about those we make a lot of effort to love but they make us feel bad for loving them,