To say, if I can do it, so can you. God is no respecter of persons, He doesn’t care what you did or what happened, but He cares about you. You are forgiven, you are redeemed and you are free. That is my testimony. I am free.
December 30, 2018, my entire life changed the moment I walked into what was then called C3. The atmosphere was unlike anything I had ever experienced in a church. Since there was stadium seating, I walked straight up to the back and hid in a dark area near the sound booth. Easily undetected. Or so I thought.
Now, ideally, I would say some crazy, happy person spotted me as the “newbie”, welcomed me, took me under their wing, showed me the ropes and I jumped right in and became a member of the church. But that wasn’t quite who or what I meant when I said that. It was God. A God that I didn’t really know though.
You see, I grew up in a mix of Non-Denominational and Catholic churches, sprinkle a little Lutheran in there and you have a girl who was clearly lost and seeking something without really knowing much or having a ton of direction.
For the first time in my life, I was drawn back to church not because I thought it was what I was supposed to do, but because I was actually learning, I was feeling a sense of stability, I was getting to know who God was by hearing our Pastors truly teach the Word but also bring in real-life experiences of how God shows up, how God works. That tug eventually grew to a big fat PULL on my heart and I gave my life to Christ on March 4th 2019.
Let’s just say, I had no idea what I was in store for. Giving my life to Christ also resulted in me jumping two feet into some major healing that needed to happen. I won’t pretend like we don’t all need some sort of healing, if you are human, you need healing. If I am being completely honest, I maybe, kind of, sort of, had this picture in my head that once I was “saved” everything would be easy or work out perfectly from here on out and I would be like all those happy people I see at church or on Instagram or walking down the street. Was I wrong? Or was I wrong?
Let us just say, I was wrong, but I was also 100% correct at the same time! I used to think that wasn’t possible; until I got to know God and His character. With that being said, my testimony is all about just that. Getting to know God, going through the necessary healings to become the woman He has called me to be.
Now, I do have some of the typical things of my childhood like two loving parents who worked hard, always had a roof over our heads, always spoiled me with the things that I not only needed but wanted. Took me on trips, truly loved me with what they could. We had what looked like the “picture perfect” family on the outside when you saw the big house, cars and fake smiles plastered on our faces. But little did anyone know that I was the girl who had an alcoholic father who when he drank a bit too much, his words could kill.
They killed the marriage my parents had that my mom got jobs where she travelled most of the time so she wasn’t home having to deal with who my father had become. Amidst all of that, throw in a moody teenager who couldn’t understand that emotion she was having while living in fear, anxiety, depression and clearly under loads of generational curses and only seemed to think that suicide was the only way out.
Cliff notes version is the attempt wasn’t once, but it was four times. It happened at multiple ages under different circumstances, but the root being the same. Spirit of Death & Depression. While battling my own issues, my father ended up in jail and also attempted suicide. His story doesn’t end the same as mine though. He, unfortunately, lost his battle and drank himself to death right after my 21st birthday.
That is where my healing began. Forgiveness. The night I gave my life to Christ was the first night I spoke the words “I forgive my father” out loud. It started the journey that opened my eyes to allow my heart to process through what had all happened in my life. Losing my father at 21 years old, processing what hurt looked like, rebuilding a relationship with my mother, coming to terms with being raped at 18 years old but blocking it out because it was too unbearable to own or talk about for the past 14 years, losing my stepfather to a freak accident the day before my 28th birthday, horrible relationships I had allowed myself to succumb to due to lack of self-love and self-worth.
But my testimony, my story, it isn’t about what happened, it's about how I overcame it and fell in love with myself. Fell in love with God. How God truly saved me. He gave me the strength to face it ALL. The ugliest, deepest, darkest, scariest places that I had once walked though alone, I no longer had to do that. He brought the right people around me to help guide me, He started speaking to me in our alone time as I would journal and write to Him, He would place desires in my heart that gave me hope and dream again to know that I am called to a bigger purpose.
Remember that moment of saying how could I be so wrong and so right at the same time. Well, 2019 and my first year of knowing God and year of healing was one of the most horrific years I have gone through because I had to relive the previous 31 years of my life all in a few short months, yet I had the most BLESSED year. I fell in love. I fell in love with God, with myself, I had pure joy in my life for the first time ever. I got to know what laughter was, freedom was, what real friendships looked like and felt like.
My testimony is a multitude of testimonies and moments all coming together to continue to be big and small wins each and every day. Each day I beat the devil and send him back to hell, I win. Every day I help someone realize their potential or help light the fire that was lit under me, it's a testimony. Each day a new person gives their life to Christ, it's a testimony. It is all part of my testimony. It led me to start Unashamed Faith.
To say, if I can do it, so can you. God is no respecter of persons, He doesn’t care what you did or what happened, but He cares about you. You are forgiven, you are redeemed and you are FREE.
That is my testimony.
I am free.
Listen to the Unashamed Faith Podcast.